oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
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Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
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New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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