I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
The best revenge is premature balding
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
