hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize