Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
