32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
