Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize