at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
