apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
he shaved USA in his pubs
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
