Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
