Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Randomize
