The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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