something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
