Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
