Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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