i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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