hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
two words...techno handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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