Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
farters have to be the big spoon...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
