people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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