Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
