I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
