and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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