I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
