just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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