A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
