So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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