Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
