She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
