Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
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