We won't sleep together?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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