Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
