So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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