yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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