I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
