8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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