I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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