When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
