did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
