We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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