So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
birth control should be required to get into college
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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