i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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