Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
