if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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