Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
