You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
