The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I think I just shit out all my problems.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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