You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
