6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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