Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
