Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
