I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize