i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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