it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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