I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
