At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
