i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
