I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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