You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
