Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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