Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
