so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
