(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
